A lame poem

The words won't come,

They are stuck inside.

My mouth is dumb,

And my brain is fried. 

What to say, how to express

My feelings cannot be said in any phrase,

My heart's a mess. 

My head is in a haze.

Happy, sad, or mad,

I feel them all, but also none. 

I feel content, with nothing to add. 

And with that am I done?

What do I feel in my heart?

It's not hurt, and is still there

It has not been hit with cupid's dart. 

And yet I must beware.

Life can come at me quick.

I must be ready to take it in,

Through good and bad, thin and thick

I can write, and in determination lift my chin. 

A Blast From The Past (Part 5)

What to do? I wondered. I had asked myself this before, but now that Travis was asking it, I thought harder. 

"Well what do you know?" I asked Travis.

"There was a man named Charles, me before apparently,who wrote Early In The Morning before he died."

"I was, before, a woman named Emily who died of pnemonia."

"Charles loved Emily, but was engaged to Mary." 

"What if that's what we have to do?" I murmered. 

"What? Get married?"

"Well not that far." I smiled. Travis didn't.

"No," Travis said. "No," and he walked away. 

The visions/memories only got more fequent as the days went by. They told the story of my supposed life. I wanted nothing more than for them to go away. Travis avoided me, even more than before, he even moved his seat in History. A week after their confortation, Travis started dating another girl names Jamie. I admit, I was hurt. I really liked Travis and here he was dating another  girl. My heart ached more than it should for a high school crush.  I then realized it was the feelings from Emily and Charles, reflecting now. I, unlike her was not going to die over a stupid guy.

Days went by, the memories coming more often, and with greater clarity. I wonder if the same thing was happening to Travis. I saw Travis with Jamie every day, and every time I felt a little pang in my heart. I was walking in the rain at school, one day, and saw Travis heading towards me, Jamie walking next to him. As I tried to pass them, somehow i fell, and rolled down the hill that sloped off the sidewalk. I rolled for a minute before I felt my head hit something, and everything went black. 

I woke up in a hospital bed, Gwen, my parents, and Travis standing over me. 

"Where am I?" I asked. 

"The hospital, you hit your head on a rock," my mother replied. 

"Oh," so that's why my head throbbed. 

"Gave us quite a scare,"Gwen said. I looked at Travis, who had an unreadable expression on his face. The doctor came in to take some tests, and I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up again, only Travis was there. 

"Hey," I said faintly.

"Hey." 

"I can't believe I fell."

"Me either," he sighed. "I looked over and you had disappeared. I saw you rolling down the hill, and when I got to you, you were bleeding." He shivered slightly. 

"Oh," was all I could say. 

"So I brought you to the nurse-"

"Wait," I interupted. "You carried me all the way to the nurse?"

"Yes," Travis smiled. "And you are heavier than you look."

"That's really nice of you to say so," I said sarcastically, a smile on my lips. 

"Well I tell it as it is." Travis fell silent, a strange look on his face. Finally he said. "Have you been having more memories?"

"Yes, they are more frequent and clearer, it's getting annoying."

"Tell me about it." He paused again. "When you fell, I had another memory. Where Emily died, and all I could think was 'what if that happens to Ally?' " He took my head. "And I didn't want that to happen. Ever." I squeezed his hand. 

After I was released from the hospital, the memories became less frequent, and soon stopped altogether. Probably because Travis and I were dating. Things returned to normal, except every now and again a soft tune pops into my head, and Travis always starts to sing the words that we both know so well.

The End 

A Blast From The Past (Part 4)

I searched the library shelves for books on reincarnation. I found some books, and then sat down at the computer. I looked on wikipedia for reincarnation, a new personality is developed during each life in the physical world, but some part of the self remains constant throughout the succesive lives. What if this was true? What if I was Emily reincarnated? That would explain the song, and the weird visions. What was she supposed to do? Why was she remembering this now? What was special about this time in her life? Travis. What if Travis was Charles reincarnated? Gwen could be Abigail. It all made sense. How Gwen and her became crazy close friends super fast and the chemistry she felt with Travis. 

When I got home i read the books I had gotten from the library about reincarnation. I soon became convinced that this theory might be right. I went to sleep thinking about this possibility. The possibility that I was once a woman named Emily. I had loved Charles, and I died of pnemonia. A shiver went up my spine at the thought of my death, or Emily's death. I refused to think about her/my death. I dreamed that I was split in two, one of me was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, my hair it's normal waviness. The second me was dressed in old-fashioned clothes, my hair curled and pulled back into a bun. The old-fashioned me was moaning. 

"Charles," I repeated over and over. "Why did you leave me? We shall never be together now." The modern me was just staring at the old-fashioned me, wondering what to do. 

I woke the next morning just as muddled as the night before. I needed to sort this out, but who would believe me? Even in my head I sounded loopy. At school I felt out of place, and awkward. Everyone was going about their buisness and I was practically having a metal breakdown. Gwen asked me what was wrong first period. I hesitated for a moment, debating whether or not to tell her, but then decided against it. I instead told her that I didn't get alot of sleep last night. 

It was during history that I got asked that same question, this time from Travis. He turned around once I had sat down.

"Are you ok?" he asked.  

"Ok," I hesitated again, debating whether or not to tell him about what I had learned.  This time I decided to tell him. He had had some of the same experiences as me. "I need to talk to you, soon." 

"Ok, after school," Travis said nodding. 

After school I was at my locker when Travis came up. He leaned against the locker next to mine. 

"What's up?" He asked. I looked at him. He had an expectant look on his face. How could I tell him what I was thinking?

"I don't know how to tell you this."

"What?"

"You're going to think I'm crazy," I muttered, more to myself than to him.

"Ally, just tell me," Travis said.

"I think I can explain all the things that have been happening to us."

"Really? What?"

"Reincarnation." Travis just stared at me. 

"Reincarnation? Ally are you kidding me?"

"No. It all makes sense. Think about it Travis." He looked as if he was pondering this, and after a moment slowly nodded. 

"You might be right, but what are we going to do about it?"

Blast From The Past (Part 3)

Travis and I avoided each other as much as possible. When in gym we were on the same kickball team and were standing next to each other we were forced to interact. 

"Did you have another dream?" He asked. 

"No," I answered truthfully. Since that one day in the hallway a few days back I hadn't had another dream about him. 

"Me either. It was awful weird." 

"Yea," our team was called to go to the outfield  and the conservation was ended. Danny, the tallest guy in our class came up to bat. He kicked it hard. Gwen called my name and I turned to look at her. When I turned back I saw the hard, plastic ball coming at me. Before I could do anything it hit me. I felt the blood come out of my nose suddenly i felt my strength draining,and i fell to the ground. Gwen was the first one to get to me and Travis was next, I barely saw them, my vision was blurring. A strong reaction to a bloody nose, i thought. I blinked and Gwen looked different. Her hair was pulled back, with a few curls loose. She was also dressed in an older style dress. Travis looked like he did in my dream. 

"Abigail," I said to Gwen in a raspy voice. "Thank you for all you have done for me."

"You're welcome, you were always a great friend," Gwen responded, tears rolling down her face. 

"Charles," I coughed out. Travis leaned closer to me. "I always loved you."

"Emily," Travis choked out. 

"I wish we had had more time,"I whispered. Darkness started to close in on me. I tried to fight it, but it overpowered me. I heard someone calling me.

"Ally, Ally," a voice penetrated my consciousness. I willed myself to open my eyes, and saw everyone crowding around me. I shook my head to clear it from the weird vision i had. 

"Ally are you ok?" Gwen asked, worried.

"Yea," I brought a hand up to my nose and found it still bleeding. 

"You should go to the nurse," my gym teacher Mrs. Bindley said. Gwen helped me up and that's where i went. 

I came back from the nurse during History, the class after gym. My nose was fine, but I was weirded out by the vision i had had while i was out. Things were getting weirder and weirder. What could all of these things mean? These thoughts went on in my head during the stupid movie that was playing. 

By the end of the day I decided something had to be done. I went to the library and searched the old obituaries. After hard searching I found Charles Scott. He had died of suicide a manuscript to Early In The Morning in his hands. He had been engaged to Mary at the time.  Going a little bit further back I found Emily Baker. She died of pneumonia. I was unsurprised. I somehow already knew this, but how could I? A though came into my head. Reincarnation. 

A Blast From The Past (Part 2)

That night I lay in bed thinking about the day. Why did Travis and I know a song from the 19th century? And more importantly what were the odds that we just happened to be singing  this song at the same time? Finally I drifted off to sleep, and dreamed.

In my dream I was dressed in a black old-fashioned dress and walking through a field of heather. It was just daybreak, and I was walking towards a house with tears streaming down my face mixing in with the rain falling from the sky. I was reciting Early One Morning. 

"Oh don't deceive me, Oh never leave me, How could you use a poor maiden so?" I was reciting it so someone in the house could hear me. Someone who had hurt me greatly. I looked towards the house window and saw someone coming to the window. Just as he or she was about to open the window, a blaring sound jerked me awake. I turned my alarm off and got ready for school. It was first period, Spanish 3, that I noticed Travis staring at me weirdly. Every time I looked his way he would look away. I was extremely weirded out by this. Travis hadn't really paid me much attention  since the day he had come to our school.  I wondered why now all of a sudden he was being all weird about me. Gwen seemed to notice as well. On our way to History, we were talking and she mentioned it.

 "Travis was looking at you a lot during Spanish"

"I noticed, I wonder why."

 "Hey he's cute, who cares why," Gwen laughed. I laughed as well. We reached history, we were watching a boring movie on Napoleon Bonaparte. The song was playing in my head again. I softly sang the words to myself. It was then that I realized Travis was humming the song again. It was bugging me that he knew the song too. It didn't seem like a well-known or much-used song. I couldn't concentrate on the movie, and instead thought about my weird dream. Suddenly I was back in that heather field, looking up at the window, waiting to see who would appear. The window opened, and I saw Travis. This version of Travis, however, was at least twenty. I opened my mouth to say something, to ask him why he had hurt me  when there was a loud crash. I opened my eyes, I had fallen asleep during the movie, and my teacher was not very happy, as he had slapped a desk to wake me up. It seemed I wasn't the only one. Travis had fallen asleep as well. Our teacher, Mr. Leonard, frowned at us. 

"Pay attention, and no more sleeping" he said going back to his desk. Travis turned around for a second and gave me a look.The look spoke of confusion, and being weirded out. I gave him the same look. Why was I dreaming of him? It wasn't even a normal dream, not that I have many of those, but still. Where did i get this field of heather? Or that house that Travis was in? Why was he twenty in my dream instead of seventeen? His hair was also way different from his normal windswept, longish dark brown hair. The whole thing was weird. At the end of the day I went to my locker. The hallway that held my locker was eerily empty and quiet. I was getting my books when suddenly there was a voice.

"Ally," it said. I nearly screamed, heart beating way too fast, I turned to see Travis. 

"You scared me."

"Sorry. Um.." He looked awkward, as if he didn't know how to say what he wanted to say. "Did you figure out what song that was?" It took me a second to figure out what he meant, since it was so random.

"Yeah, it's called Early One Morning," he seemed unsurprised at the name. "Have you heard of it before?"

"It sounds so familiar, but I can't understand why." He started humming the song again, and I suddenly, not even realizing it, starting singing the song. A flowery smell wafted up to my nose. I didn't have time to wonder at this. I blinked and I was back in the field from my dream. I looked up at the house window and saw the older Travis looking down at me. 

"Emily, what are you doing here?"

"Charles, I heard about Mary. That you are betrothed to her."

"Emily, it's not like that..."

"How can it not be? Is it true?"

"Yes, but.."
 "Then it's true," I then launched into the lyrics from Early One Morning. "Oh don't deceive me, Oh never leave me,How could you use a poor maiden so? Remember the vows that you made to me truly; Remember how tenderly you nestled close to me. Gay is the garland, fresh are the roses I've culled from the garden to bind over thee. Here I now wander alone as I wonder Why did you leave me to sigh and complain? I ask of the roses, why should I be forsaken? Why must I here in sorrow remain? Through yonder grove, by the spring that is running, There you and I have so merrily played, Kissing and courting and gently sporting, Oh, my innocent heart you've betrayed! How could you slight so a pretty girl who loves you, A pretty girl who loves you so dearly and warm? Though love's folly is surely but a fancy, Still it should prove to me sweeter than your scorn. Soon you will meet with another pretty maiden, Some pretty maiden, you'll court her for a while; Thus ever ranging, turning and changing, Always seeking for a girl that is new."

"Emily..."

"It's Miss Baker, thank you. Goodbye Mr. Scott." I turned around and walked back through the heather, ignoring his calls to come back. I blinked again and it was gone. 

Travis and I looked at each other. 

"Did you just see that?" Travis asked.

"Yes," I replied. 

"It's so weird, last night and in history I had a dream similar to that."

"Me too, in mine I walked to the house and then in history the window opened and you popped your head out."

"In mine I was sitting by a fireplace and heard someone. I went to my window, and in history opened it and saw you in a weird getup."

"It's quite strange." I said. We stood there awkwardly for a minute before saying goodbye and going our seperate ways. 

A Blast From the Past

That tune. The one the boy in front of me was humming. It was so familiar, but i couldn't place why. The  boy, Travis, was new this year. He sat in front of me in History, and was in my math class and gym class, but otherwise I had no classes with him. I wondered what he was humming. If only I could place the song. I debated whether or not to ask him what he was humming, but since i didn't really know him I decided against it. He continued humming, and eventually my curiosity, and annoyance, got the best of me.

 "Hey Travis," i said softly so my teacher wouldn't hear me. 

 "What?" he whispered back.

 "What song are you humming?" 

 "I dunno it kinda just popped into my head."

 "Oh," i leaned back in my seat disappointed and weirdly frustrated. I wanted to know what song it was. 

 "Why?" he asked.

 "It sounds familiar for some reason," he nodded and I tried to listen to the lesson on Napoleon Bonaparte, but I couldn't. It was annoying me, not knowing what song it was. Annoying me more than it should. I started doodling in my notebook instead of taking notes, but instead of doodling my hand starting writing song lyrics. Early one morning, just as the sun was rising, I heard a maid sing in the valley below "Oh don't deceive me, Oh never leave me, How could you use, a poor maiden so?" The lyrics were familiar but i had no idea why. It wasn't a modern song that was on my ipod, or on the radio. For some reason I believed it was an older song. The bell rang, dismissing the class and bringing me out of my thoughts. 

I showed the song lyrics to my best friend Gwen, but they didn't seem familiar to her. The rest of the day i wondered about those lyrics until finally, eighth period i had a study hall so i went to the library and got on the computer. I typed the lyrics into google and found they belonged to a song called "Early One Morning." Reading the rest of the lyrics I still couldn't place where the song came from. I listened to the midi of the song and found it was the same tune that Travis had been humming. I wondered at this, and was kinda weirded out that Travis and I both knew what seemed like a pretty obscure song. I didn't share with Gwen my findings, I wasn't sure what they meant myself. 

Check out: Wikipedia for Early One Morning

Listen to midi of Early One Morning and see Lyrics

Are You A Man or a Mouse?

James stared at Billy in disbelief of what he had just said. 

"Kill? You want me to kill Harry?"

"Yeah, if you want to be in our gang."

"I don't know man."

"C'mon dude, you chicken or something?"

"No, it's just..."

"Dude, Harry's a nobody, no one's gonna miss him."

"True, but..."

"James, if you don't do this you're out. You will be an outcast at school. Do you really want that?"

"No."

"Then just go to Harry's house and pull the trigger. Easy." 

"What if I get caught?"

"You won't. This gun is untraceable, just make sure you wear gloves, and no one will suspect you have a problem with Harry to want to kill him. It's the perfect crime."

"Well if you're sure...."

"I am, good luck," Billy handed James a pair of latex gloves, which James put on. Billy then handed him a small pistol. 

James walked to Harry's apartment. He was nervous and every little sound made him jump. Finally he reached his apartment, he jumped up the fire escape and climbed the stairs to get to Harry's apartment. He climbed through the open window. He tiptoed his way to the other room  where he heard the tv. He saw Harry sitting in the chair in front of the tv. James walked up to Harry. When Harry saw him he gasped.

"What are you doing here?" James didn't respond, but raised the gun. "Wait, why are you doing this?"

"I'm sorry," James said before he started to pull the trigger, but stopped when he saw Harry's scared face. He couldn't go through with it. He slowly lowered the gun.

"What is with you man?" Harry asked.

"I'm sorry," was all James could say.

"Do you really hate me that much?"

"No, it was a gang initiation." James broke the number one rule of the gang by telling Harry that, but he didn't care anymore.

"What's going to happen to you now?"

"I don't know, and I don't really care," James turned to go. 

"Hey," he turned back. "Thanks man."

"You're welcome," James turned back and went back down the fire escape. He knew what his life was to be like now. He would have no friends in school, and the rest of the gang would call him a chicken. James knew, however, that he was anything but a chicken. He had stood up against peer pressure and had done the right thing. He was a man.